Friday, 30 March 2012

God save the Queen!

I'm having major LOL's at the moment, trawling the high street looking for the worst examples of Diamond Jubilee fashion. It's a little ahead of schedule, but I do believe the world has already gone mad. Next are in the lead at the moment with this little number:

Ghastly! The dress is pretty bad too! But quite hilarious. I'm almost close to being sucked in. Not that close, mind. After extending my research to t'interweb I've discovered that this years bout of royal-insanity has spread, unsurprisingly, further than just mere garments.

British founder of fashion giant Mulberry, Roger Saul, has just launched a new range of.......... wait for it.......... Diamond Jubilee Breakfast Cereal.

Just allow that to sink in for a moment.

Diamond Jubilee Breakfast Cereal. BREAKFAST CEREAL.

The mind boggles.

Slightly closer to planet Earth, The Berkley Hotel in London's Knightsbridge has just launched it's "Pret-a-Portea" Royal Collection. I have to admit that while this is totally and utterly pointless it is still rather impressive!

I'm particularly enjoying the little "homage" to Princess Beatrice, God love her! I may even consider forking out the rather reasonable £39 and popping over in my new union-jack maxi dress.

Maybe not.

Any who, stay tuned for more Diamond Jubilee related hilarity. My guess is that the best is yet to come!

UF x

Friday, 23 March 2012

Scary Jewellery

"In like a lion, out like a lamb. That was true of March this year", to quote Eric Crozier.

I do hope, nay, pray that this is true, judging by the new trend that has emerged on the high street this month...


Now, I do not, nor have I ever claimed to actually know anything about fashion, so would someone in the know please tell me what is going on here? When did wearing a knuckle duster become socially acceptable, let alone fashionable?

Topshop seem to be leading the way in ultra-violent accessories, and believe me, it doesn't end there. Check out this "piece":

Imagine, if you dare, this paired with a "body chain necklace". You may as well go the whole hog and buy a gimp mask and a whip.

I think the most upsetting range is earrings. Now I'm a sucker for a pair of big, bold, kitsch earrings. Not to everyone's taste I'm sure, but when compared to some of the monstrosities offered in good ol' Topshop... Well, you can decide for yourself. Check out these bad guys...

Need I say more? Well just you wait....

Most disturbing! I decided to investigate further, and checked out To my horror, not only are there more shocking attrocities, but it actually gets worse. What on God's clean earth is this??

And don't even get me started on this....

Terrifying. Who is buying these? Seriously? SHAME ON THEM.

TOPSHOP, Ugly Fashionista has spoken. You have been weighed, you have been measured, and you have been found wanting.

Hello and welcome!

Good day to you all, fine citizens.

Those who know me will know that I do have an unattractive tendency to rant. My housemate today suggested I start a blog, which I think is a truly fabulous idea. If you've got nothing better to do then read the ramblings of a middle-aged-twenty-something, you may even agree!

My chosen subject (for now) is fashion. UGLY FASHION to be precise. Many years ago I passed Alexender McQueen's (God rest his soul) addition to Bicester retail outlet. As a wide eyed 19-year-old many promises lay inside that store, however, dreams of owning my very own silver-skull clutch bag were thwarted immediately by a monstrous vision of a blue and red striped catsuit with outrageous shoulder pads. To this day it haunts me. Behold....

Horrifying, no? Anyway, since that day I've been very tuned in to UGLY FASHION, and an indeterminate number of years later I have decided to make it my life's work to name and shame promoters of such travesty.

Please please feel free, and in fact I encourage you, to send me any disturbing fashion faux pars you've encountered on your travels. Nothing is too grim.

And so, let the war on ugly fashion commence!